this week’s Thought (singular)
i have a new enemy and it is the sun
a very warm welcome to all new readers. i love new readers so much that whenever i get an email about a new reader, i manifest that they have no more problems falling asleep. thank you for joining us. may your eyes close and your dream reel begin to play before your head hits the pillow tonight.
hi
i had recently met up with a dear friend (we wandered, loafed, roamed, and all those other assorted adventure-related lovely activities), and we got to talking about spending time outside alone. or, more to the point, spending time outside with just ourselves. i’ve previously explored the ideas of solitude and loneliness, and of spaces that gain in weight and experience from unaccompanied visits, but somehow, despite the fact that i have so much to say about it, i never really wrote about just…going outside alone.
as is mentioned on the tin, i’d like to talk about two specific facets of the experience - the joy and the awkwardness.
the joy, as in the freedom to take things at your own pace, to eat at the places that only need to be vetted by you, to take the routes that require only your own approval, to decide how far or how near you’ll go based on your individual limits. the joy, as in the ability to spend unhurried minutes in front of that particular painting, to maybe just let one metro go so you can spend some extra time on the breezy platform, to put in your earphones and pretend you’re in a music video. the joy, as in taking your own sweet time to cross the road, to decide your lunch at the counter, to browse at the bookshop, to people-watch to your heart’s content.
but then the awkwardness. of ordering for one, of sitting at a café and alternating between zoning out and checking your phone. of seeing large groups of people around you, and feeling a crawling sensation that you’re somehow doing something wrong.
if i had planned this thing out a bit better, i would have structured it differently. the awkwardness paragraph before the joy paragraph. the awkwardness has always been there, has always lingered, but the joy is a recent discovery, a lovely revelation. even as the awkwardness creeps in, the joy stays predominant, the delight of freedom and flexibility overshadowing everything else.
in case you missed it, The Phrase is back in circulation as of last week, so…this one is all over the place. nonetheless, if there’s something you’d like to add to this very heartfelt mess, please do.
English Recitation Competition
Confession, Countee Cullen
If for a day joy masters me, Think not my wounds are healed; Far deeper than the scars you see, I keep the roots concealed. They shall bear blossoms with the fall; I have their word for this, Who tend my roots with rains of gall, And suns of prejudice.
Little Stones at My Window, Mario Benedetti
don't worry, I won't gamble with an eviction I won't tattoo remembering with forgetting there are many things left to say and suppress and many grapes left to fill our mouths don't worry, I'm convinced joy doesn't need to throw any more little stones I'm coming I'm coming.
December 17, 2022, Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer
Mom makes the chocolates while I chop nuts and make dough— we listen to carols and sing along as we have since before I remember. The kitchen smells of mint and sugar and I try to press the memory between the pages of the day. Perhaps it is a blessing to know how fragile it is, this life. I let myself fall all the way into the moment, the sun long gone, but the house still pulsing with love, still warm.
A Picture!
The Good Side of the Internet
(subscribe to my standalone publication The Good Side of the Internet for consolidated and extra links at the end of each month!)
When Your Book Tour is Interrupted by a Near-Death Experience
The best essay I have ever read on the subject of pain is Eula Biss’s “The Pain Scale.” In it, she takes the common, hospital-setting ranking of physical pain—how bad are you feeling, 0 to 10?—and notes that the scale was primarily invented to protect medical staff from the swinging, emotional cutlass of another human being’s agony. Through her own (often excruciating) pain, Biss muses first on the number zero—is there such a thing as no pain?—and from there works her way along the scale, like a thumb pressing down, following a vein. It turns out there is a problem with the scale: many people, when pressed, will rate their pain as a “five.”
The Murky Path To Becoming a New York Times Best Seller
Publishing insiders tell Esquire why they find "the list" so frustrating—turns out, it's a data project full of contradictions.
Only English Would Try to Shorten a Word This Way
There’s something very unusual about the shortened form of usual.
In the Shadow Library (this is slightly outdated, but a fascinating read nonetheless)
Last month, Z-Library – one of the world’s most popular ‘shadow libraries’, or unlicensed eBook databases – was shut down by the FBI. Two of its alleged operators, both Russian nationals, were arrested in Argentina on behalf of the US authorities and charged with criminal copyright infringement. Z-Library, which archived 11 million books and 84 million articles, had a good claim to being the largest resource of its kind, and had managed to skirt serious legal action since it first emerged as a replica, or mirror, of Library Genesis (LibGen) in 2009.
Bans. Danger. Polarisation. The cross-border harmonies of Indian and Pakistani pop culture have been imperilled over the last few years. But fandom, and cultural memory, survives against increasing odds.
Middle School Book Review
your regularly scheduled book recommendation has been temporarily halted. watch this space over the coming weeks so you don’t miss the next one!
find all shared books here.
this week’s Song
find all shared songs here.
thank you for reading, and see you next week <3
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