i would like to
a ramble and a wishlist rolled into one morose soliloquy
this week’s Thought (singular)
i am once again asking for the ability to breathe through both nostrils
a very warm welcome to all new readers. i love new readers so much that whenever i get an email about a new reader, i manifest that they do not catch a cold. thank you for joining us. may you enjoy clear nostrils, clear heads, and clear medicine cabinets.
a very warm welcome to old readers as well. may good sense continue to prevail.
hi
two things -
reminder for this month’s
that comes out tomorrowit’s been a busy, no-time-for-thodi week, so i’ve unwrapped a short draft that has been gathering dust for a few months to show you. look.
i would like to have hope for the future. where do i start? when do i start? i would like to be able to take my own advice. i would like to create less dissonance between what i say and what i do, and less dissonance between the allowance i give others and the allowance i give myself.
i would like to learn how to celebrate the good things happening to and around me. i would like to learn how to devote more time to appreciating and honouring. i would like to learn what it means to register something positive and feel proud of an achievement instead of brushing it under the carpet with a simultaneous self-effacement and insecurity. i would like to stop bull-dozing straight to Next Steps and Tasks To Be Done, and stand rooted in a happy space for more than a few seconds. i would like to learn how to permit myself grace.
i would like to stop rationalising my feelings before feeling them. or, i’d like to take my brain out of my heart, because it’s taking up too much space and has too much to say. i want my feelings to bloom in all the room in my chest, until they expand so far that they overflow from me. i want to feel joy on the tips of my fingers, and i want the release of tears without the circuitous justification for them.
for more Thoughts along similar lines, any of the editions below will do –
for existential/early adulthood enquiry -
for existential/early adulthood enquiry (reprise) -
for what being in your early twenties is like -
perhaps more substance next week? we’re about to find out. thanks for reading!
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A Picture!
English Recitation Competition
The Delight Song of Tsoai-talee, N. Scott Momaday
You see, I am alive, I am alive I stand in good relation to the earth I stand in good relation to the gods I stand in good relation to all that is beautiful I stand in good relation to the daughter of Tsen-tainte You see, I am alive, I am alive
Corliss Engine, MacKnight Black
The hours, in a long plunge, Swirl unconquering Against this motion clear in steel. Body of an older birth, like rock That stands against a sea, this motion breaks Time’s lesser flow. And here is raised A symbol of the flight in emptiness That bears the world and our own selves; Before such clarity the days fall back; the very days That drown our lives at last, fall spent Before the deeper might that builds our blood.
Abracadabra, Mia Kang
List of things to banish Can include words, people, theoretical apparatuses Can take the form of a grocery list, a scientific experiment, or a manifesto Can read like a personal ad of unwanting Can summon aid to help with banishing Can be uncertain of what will remain Can have no positive mission statement Can be written in a language other than language Can circulate amongst FRIENDS ONLY Can evade being imagined, written, embodied, archived Can go like this Can make itself irrelevant Can include buildings, brushstrokes, and other abominations Can mean my way of life is unlivable Can mean my life is as yet unlived Can mean I must become a menace to my enemies Can undo futurity forever in favor of ******* Can remake futurity into someone who doesn’t recognize herself Can punctuate the present like a cup of coffee or a Monday Can be dreamed up and shot down and elongated Can tell us something Can include forms and fantasies, even the ones getting us by Can instigate an interregnum Can be unfinished Can include hope hopefully Can be blank But don’t kid yourself It isn’t And it can’t include History
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this week’s Song
find all shared songs here.
thank you for reading, and see you next week <3