the present has arrived
and you are in it
this week’s Thought (singular)
it’s happening. the itch to do something dramatic to my appearance is approaching
a very warm welcome to all new readers. i love new readers so much that whenever i get an email about a new reader, i manifest that they manage to complete at least one thing on their to-do list for the day. thank you for joining us. may you muster up the focus to finish just one thing. literally anything, i’m not even picky. please i just need to cross out one (1) item from this list please
a very warm welcome to old readers as well. may good sense continue to prevail.
Before We Begin
happy day! the may ‘25 edition of came out just a few hours ago. many many incredible finds this last month, all collated in one place. subscribe if you haven’t already!
i realised that the last three editions have had thumbnails of skies/clouds/trees. what a happy accident. i will be doubling down.
i have a confession. i absolutely, one hundred percent, thought the thodi from three weeks ago (there is only one question/how to love this world) was one of my favourites. i adored writing it, and i adored re-reading it, and then i realised that i was maybe the only person who was into it. heartbreaking. linking it here again so you all give it another chance. if you still don’t like it, i’ll have to start reckoning with ideas like do you even like me-what more could you possibly want-is it because of my personality-is it badly written-is it really that deep-is everybody just busy-is everything not about me and so on.
hi
may was a very short month, which means this is a very short newsletter.
the thing about living in your childhood bedroom (by which i mean the room in which all the things you’ve accumulated since you were a child still reside, not necessarily the physical space), is that you will come across embarrassing paraphernalia when you least expect it. i found a massive stash of song lyrics i had written between the ages of 17-20, and forced myself to sit up at 2am in my room and read every single line. there were notebooks, post-its, loose sheets, question papers with scrawls on the margins, hotel notepads—past-jahnavi evidently did not care about surface or medium. it’s comforting to be reminded that i’ve always needed to scribble big feelings down to make sense of them. like skin that fits right. i think often about whether i’m the same person i am now as i was at 17, and the possibility is usually accompanied with embarrassment. this is not one of those times. i’m her and she’s me and we go together. however, i’d prefer to not dwell on the quality of these songs. most were bad. some were good. all were dramatic, and i’m keeping them.
an inexhaustive list of things that delighted/amused me in may -
a dog in the backseat of a car, head outside the window, having the time of its life
singing again
drumsticks (the vegetable) comically sticking out of the pocket of somebody’s shorts
a good old-fashioned sleepover where we spoke till 3am and ate sandwiches and took a walk in the slow drizzle in the middle of the night
making my work notes in blue and pink and orange and green and brown felt-tip pens
there’s an image in my head of my self holding the past in one hand and the future in the other and having no limbs left to carry the present. in transition periods (and when is it not a transition period?), this is what i become. a time-straddler, always moving in the same straight line, always trying to find the point i’m supposed to be reaching for, struggling to find a place to set down anything so the present point doesn’t get ignored. i think that’s why things that force you to be present are so important. that’s why i write and think so much about slowing down enough to realise that the line isn’t an unstoppable conveyor belt, and that it’s important to register what’s happening now. and now. and now. and now.
i’m excited for this month. i’ve been looking forward to a lot of things. i hope it’s good for both of us. happy june <3
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English Recitation Competition
Eating Poetry, Mark Strand (full poem here)
I am a new man. I snarl at her and bark. I romp with joy in the bookish dark.
Diagnostic Quiz for Human Ghost, James Fujinami Moore
Over the past two weeks, please list the items you have lost. At the present moment, do you know the location & number of your teeth? (in grams) Please estimate the weight of each of the following: Left lung, half-liver, three fingers on your right hand. (in miles) Please estimate the distance from the back of your skull to the skin of your eye. Over the past two weeks, please estimate the number of times you’ve attempted to start a conversation and failed (including, but not limited to: grocery stores, living rooms, when you are alone.) (in incandescence) How much light passes through you? Is it enough to write a letter? Pick a letter. Pick a new name. Can you hear the woman singing? What was your death’s taxonomy? Where is its kingdom & domain? How important do you feel to others? Are you sitting atop the creaking hinges of something only you can see? Are you certain there is no part of your body that is missing. Are you certain there is nothing missing at all.
What Matters, Terry Kirby Erickson
What other people think of you, what they say, are burdens no one should carry. Lift a spoon, a cup, things that fit in your hand. Carry on a conversation, pick up a baby. Listen to the wind when it whispers, nothing else. There is no one watching you, no one straining to hear what you say. The present has arrived and you are in it. Your heart is pumping. Your breath moves in and out of your lungs without anyone’s help or permission. Let go of everything else. Let your life, handed to you through no effort of your own, be all the proof you need. You are loved.
The Good Side of the Internet
… has been permanently shifted to The Good Side of the Internet. subscribe for many many links at the end of each month, and tell your friends about it :D
this week’s Song
Three Times A Lady by Commodores
find all shared songs here.
thank you for reading, and see you next week <3