this week’s Thought (singular)
been getting really into tea lately
a very warm welcome to all new readers. i love new readers so much that whenever i get an email about a new reader, i manifest that they don’t forget that they have washed clothes to dry in a bucket lying in the corner of their room. thank you for joining us. may you hang your clothes in a timely manner so they aren’t damp and stinky when you need to wear them.
a very warm welcome to old readers as well. may good sense continue to prevail.
hi
another week, not another thodi. a flower in apology -
i’m keeping in the spirit of a little cloud on the corner of my whiteboard in my room that says ‘it’s not that deep, babey!’ and being very normal about the idea of being unable to ‘find’ time for passion projects. onward!
earlier this month, at the end of a visit home, i was very gently told that i’m too young to feel so hopeless. this leaves me with two options—get old enough for hopelessness, or become hopeful immediately. both are tough, but one sounds nicer. i like the sound of being hopeful, so i’m going to loosen my grip on hopelessness and general doom/cynicism etc.
i worked on something i really, truly enjoyed in january. it made me nostalgic for the time when this was something normal. when i could spend endless days working towards something big, when i had something to work towards at all, when i could see a large project come together. it made me want to do it more often. i’m trying to treat that desire with kindness, and not hold it a foot away from my body and remove all my association with it. i think i’m starting to understand that my wants and hopes and dreams are like my shadows. there’s no escaping them, but the light will move overhead eventually.
i’ve been catching colds all over the place for the last couple of months, and they’ve thrown all my plans awry. it makes me cranky and cantankerous, mean to my body and immune system, unpleasant alone and to others. i’m a terrible patient—i pretend there’s nothing wrong and keep running until i physically can’t, and then i swallow the inevitable acknowledgement with a healthy dose of disgusting pills, both literal and metaphorical. this bitterness too is a shadow. the light will move overhead eventually.
i can feel the weather turning. i step on crunchier leaves on my walks around campus, and the sun is more ready to enter my room and wake me up in time for class. i don’t have to wear quite so many layers all the time. everything feels lighter. it’s time to soak up the sun and affirm life’s magic.
ps: happy february! happy birthday month!
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English Recitation Competition
Everybody’s Autobiography, Tracy K. Smith
I find myself most alone When I believe I am striving for glory. These times, cool and sharp, A monument of moon-white stone lodges in place near my heart. In a dream, my children Glisten inside raindrops, or teardrops. Like strangers, like seeds of children. I will only be allowed to claim them If I consent to love everyone’s children. If I consent to love everyone’s children, Only then will I be allowed to claim them, My strangers, my seeds of children, Glistening inside raindrops or teardrops In my dream. Children Lodged in place near my heart— A monument of moon-white stone, Cool and sharp. I believe I am striving for glory When I find myself most alone.
The More Loving One, W. H. Auden (read the full poem here)
Were all stars to disappear or die, I should learn to look at an empty sky And feel its total dark sublime Though this might take me a little time.
oriño ka-n-an manbo emalé, Alexis Pauline Gumbs (read the full poem here)
train your daughters how to dance in mud cleanse them of the myth of solid ground show them that the mark they make is evidence of body not of word is evidence of soil and not of breath teach your daughters how to outrun death
The Good Side of the Internet
… has been permanently shifted to The Good Side of the Internet. subscribe for many many links at the end of each month, and tell your friends about it :D
this week’s Song
Time Moves Slow by BADBADNOTGOOD, Samuel T. Herring
find all shared songs here.
thank you for reading, and see you next week <3
Relate to this so much <3