self-soothing
notes for april
this week’s Thought (singular)
how much oats is too much oats
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a very warm welcome to old readers as well. may good sense continue to prevail.
before we begin
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*last month’s post is out - find it here.
doing some housekeeping and rearranging around here. the this week’s Song section that’s usually at the end is now media diet - a roundup of everything i’ve watched/read/listened to over the week. happy consumption :D
hi
april has historically been a very character-building month for me. in preparation (and because i’m at a very decision-heavy, weird trajectory phase right now), here are some things that i’ve been telling myself. you can read them if you want.
reframe failing as evidence of trying, and not as a personal shortcoming that will ruin your life and make you question all your abilities. taking a shot is always risky, especially now when you’ve decided to take all these new shots. failing is inevitable, but it comes with the territory. you owe it to yourself to try anyway.
remember why you started. look away from a finish line that you can’t make out for a second and look at where you began, and all the decisions you took to begin this journey in the first place. remember the hope with which you took off. it’s still there. reach for it when the going gets tough, when you’re tempted to rethink, when giving up and giving in seems easier. you didn’t decide to do this because it would be easy.
don’t create a race where there is none. find a pace that works for you, check in and adjust when you need to, don’t imagine competition. this is the break you’ve wanted. this is when you can try new hobbies and start new passion projects and be more creative. stop acting like you can’t. remove the stillness from your bones, a lethargy that you had gotten so used to. you don’t have to fake nonchalance anymore. anything worth doing is worth doing well, even a break.
you’ve always griped for time. time to create, time to consume, time to sing, time to run. you have time now. use it. a part of creating a life worth living is trying all the things you’ve wanted to. it’s easy to give into the lure of the Scroll, to give into apathy, to turn off your brain, but you know that it’s more enriching to engage wholly and with all your heart. you know there’s nothing cooler than caring deeply and living loudly. you wanted it so bad - do it now.
be more present. it’s easy to get lost in your head, especially now when there are so many big questions and decisions. it’s easy to question your past and wonder if you’ve done the right thing and made the right choices. the only way to not let this tip over into regret is by hauling yourself into the present. you know the things that help - moving your body, meeting your friends, singing.
rethinking is natural. you have the formula to remind yourself of the confidence in the life you have chosen. let this choice empower you. let the fact that it was your choice empower you. as long as you are living, you can restart. nobody is checking. it’s okay that you’re a little behind. you’ve decided to live with intention, and this is holy work that is a privilege and an honour.
get out of your own way. trust that the world is waiting for you with open arms. trust that the universe is holding you in its careful palms. there is a space and you are hurtling towards it. breathe this truth until you have no choice but to believe it, until it effortlessly guides your movements, until you’re fuelled by the love of the game and not a blurry, amorphous finish line. you have made this bed with delicate attention, with a strong sense of what is right for your soul. enjoy the process of lying in it.
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a picture!
media diet
watching - finally got around to starting season 3 of white lotus. unhinged as usual.
reading - susan sontag’s against interpretation and other essays. i’m trying to get into the habit of reading an essay a day, just before bed. a paragraph from on style that i really liked -
I have several times applied to the work of art the metaphor of a mode of nourishment. To become involved with a work of art entails, to be sure, the experience of detaching oneself from the world. But the work of art itself is also a vibrant, magical, and exemplary object which returns us to the world in some way more open and enriched.
listening - got this as a recommendation and had flashbacks to middle school when i used to watch one tree hill on star world and discuss it with my friends in class the next day. i really want to do a rewatch now and see how it’s held up.
I Don’t Want to Be by Gavin deGraw
find all shared songs here.
english recitation competition
Spring Night, Sara Teasdale (full poem here)
Oh, is it not enough to be Here with this beauty over me? My throat should ache with praise, and I Should kneel in joy beneath the sky. Oh, beauty, are you not enough?
Today, Billy Collins
If ever there were a spring day so perfect, so uplifted by a warm intermittent breeze that it made you want to throw open all the windows in the house and unlatch the door to the canary's cage, indeed, rip the little door from its jamb, a day when the cool brick paths and the garden bursting with peonies seemed so etched in sunlight that you felt like taking a hammer to the glass paperweight on the living room end table, releasing the inhabitants from their snow-covered cottage so they could walk out, holding hands and squinting into this larger dome of blue and white, well, today is just that kind of day.
The Things I Love, Scottie McKenzie Frasier
A butterfly dancing in the sunlight, A bird singing to his mate, The whispering pines, The restless sea, The gigantic mountains, A stately tree, The rain upon the roof, The sun at early dawn, A boy with rod and hook, The babble of a shady brook, A woman with her smiling babe, A man whose eyes are kind and wise, Youth that is eager and unafraid— When all is said, I do love best A little home where love abides, And where there’s kindness, peace, and rest.
thank you for reading, and see you next time <3