this week’s Thought (singular)
hydration is so important it can really make or break your day am i too old to keep realising this every three months
a very warm welcome to all new readers. i love new readers so much that whenever i get an email about a new reader, i manifest that they have a nice warm cup of tea with their friend. thank you for joining us. may your tumbler be un-rusty. is this going to be a problem for future jahnavi.
a very warm welcome to old readers as well. may good sense continue to prevail.
Before We Begin
for august ‘24 came out a few hours ago! read it here.
i have recently been informed that some readers aren’t able to find the thodi archive from the email. here you go.
hi
apologies for not appearing in your inbox last weekend (and the weekend before that). i trust you know the drill by now - this newsletter is one of the few timelines i can control and is sadly one of the first things to be forsaken when i find myself lacking in time and drowning in tasks.
this thodi is loosely split into two parts, both revolving around the same theme of inevitability. we begin with an absolutely delightful piece from The Red Hand Files by Nick Cave. on his website, he regularly answers questions about love, life, and other thodi-esque topics from his fans with earnestness, compassion, and wisdom. from here, we move into the miscellaneous media format popularised by my awe and hope editions about the reliability of the heart.
psa: i emphasise loosely in the above paragraph. the structure is near non-existent as you progress, and the topics hop from idea to idea. onward!
i love the surrender in ‘I’m unable to get in contact with her for reasons the cosmic universe chose for me’. what submission in such a sad sentence. it’s such an effective acknowledgement of powerlessness in the grand scheme of things. the cosmic universe has chosen this for me, making my efforts to fix it futile, and making very big feelings about it justified. what can i possibly do in the face of such power? what can i possibly do about these emotions except to quietly let them flow through me? (both questions asked with a very deep and relieved release of grit-toothed control).
‘She’s reminded me that this matrix is worthwhile and she’s shown me that I’m worth it too.’ i keep having this epiphany that it takes real effort to fully live. that for anything to feel consequential and real, you need to be open to be moved by the world around you. whether you are jolted or swayed by this reception, whether this arrival moves you to laughter or to tears - i keep having the realisation that it is the most worthwhile thing you can do or can be done to you.
and at the end of it all, after all those big and profound words, we inevitably return to the love and longing of personhood. ‘I miss her. I miss her. I miss her.’
i read this at a time when i didn’t feel like a fully functioning body, when i was struggling to reconcile this task machine that i’ve had to become with the living, emoting person that i actually am. it was profoundly comforting to read that even a seemingly dull heart is a functioning one, in that it continues to love – inevitably so.
i had spoken about a similar comforting inevitability, one of hope, back in january –
Oliver gives an almost comforting reassurance of the seeking of hope; a pre-destined thing, an obvious thing. Solnit calls hope an axe, something to wield with purpose and effect. Cortázar says that your hope doesn’t even belong to you! its potency is precisely because it doesn’t belong to you, because it is a failsafe protection mechanism put in place and utilised by life itself. what could be more powerful?
i think the heart is something similar.
i’ve been trying this new thing where when things begin to feel overwhelming, i zoom out. i think in larger perspectives and greater abstractions. i think about the marvel that is the human heart that has the physicality to seem lighter or heavier. i think about how the very nature of emotion is to be heavy, and that that weight can either keep you grounded or drag you down. the awe i experience at this repeat realisation is a worthwhile thing.
how lovely it is to be reminded every once in a while that even if you are unable to register your body and your physicality, they very reassuringly continue to do their jobs, patiently waiting for you to acknowledge them again.
one of my favourite parts of Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet -
You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall.
life, love, hope, awe – they’re all related, i think. they’re all gloriously inescapable, and powerful in the way fictional giants from children’s storybooks are powerful. a breath in and the mountains rumble. and a giant has to breathe.
from Nave by Bent Knee
The strength of your heart that does not break
From the weight of life that chokes you in its wake
You are so brave, you are so brave
i’d like to end with my favourite part of the answer that started all this -
Ultimately, a broken heart or an obstructed love is proof of life, for there is nothing as wildly expansive as the yearning heart. It proclaims our existence as part of the universe. We hurt deeply because we love deeply. The dead heart, the dull heart, the cynical heart, the unimaginative heart, the unredeemed heart, resides outside the law of life, disconnected and unnatural, for we are creatures made to love, duty-bound to do so.
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A Picture!
The Good Side of the Internet
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this week’s Song
find all shared songs here.
thank you for reading, and see you next week <3
Great one! Lovedd Nick Cave's piece