and i throw my heart back to the ocean

but it don’t go far it come back floating

this week’s Thought (singular)

boy for somebody who likes hydration so much i sure don’t drink enough water

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a very warm welcome to all new readers. i love new readers so much that whenever i get an email about a new reader, i manifest that they stop talking about drinking water and just drink it already. thank you for joining us. may you finally start opening your water bottle. now, please.

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Super Special Announcement Time!

due to, like, life, there’s a new posting schedule in town. going forward, thodi will be released every two weeks instead of every week. hopefully, i can get back to putting something out on consecutive saturdays again, but until then, please continue to look forward to seeing me in your inbox on alternate weekends. if you ever find you’re missing my obviously well-structured and coherent streams of thought too much, feel free to go through the archives! muah <3

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hi

i’ve been vaguely thinking about the concept of the buoyancy of the human heart. it started when i paid attention to the lyrics of O My Heart by Mother Mother (i know, i’ve been talking about them a lot in the newsletter lately, but bear with me). there are some lovely verses throughout the song, but the line that spurred this issue was and i throw my heart back to the ocean/but it don’t go far it come back floating. gorgeous imagery, yes, but super cool concept as well!

and there i was, contemplating this idea of a floating heart, of a buoyant heart, of throwing something away only for it to return, when a new edition of

tiya's love letters

dropped. and what should i find there but this eerily relevant bit -

the signs were clear. i simply had to subject you all to my incoherent ramblings on the topic. brace yourselves.

in the interest of metaphor, i’d like you to gently consider your heart as an extension of your self and not just as a lub-dub super machine. when i talk about its resilience, i don’t think i mean it in the traditional sense. i don’t think i’m talking about any concerted effort to stay in shape, any sort of deliberate determination. i like to believe that there’s no conscious intent in the buoyancy of the heart. it just is. the same way it is an extension of your self, the same way you can’t get rid of it despite how much it feels and how large it feels and how heavy it feels.

i’m mulling over the idea of all your hopes, dreams, loves being stored in your heart. how these things, in the interest of metaphor, keep it heavy enough to not float away, but also keep it strong enough to stay afloat. how the associated fear, regret, hurt carve out cubby holes from within, hollowing it further, keeping it above the waves.

i’m thinking about when it feels so much, feels so large, feels so heavy that you want to fling it away, toss it as far from you as possible. and when you wish it wasn’t so capable of feeling so much, so large, so heavy and could just remain a lub-dub super machine. and when it comes back floating, back to the place where nothing else can fit, back to the part of you that’s reserved for it, back home.

this is all very high-level and abstract, but i just had to put it down. the idea that your heart can be so dependable and robust, the idea that you can’t get rid of it, however much you try, and that being ultimately for the best…it’s lovely. i hope your heart is bobbing gently over calm waves, with all its scars and cubby holes and all its love and joy.

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A Video!

apartment kitties, lost in wild glee.

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this week’s Song

Best Tears by The Happy Fits

find all shared songs here.

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thank you for reading, and see you next-to-next week <3

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yes? no? maybe? let me know!